The Trouble with Karaoke

When I was ten years old, my family went on a cruise. They had tons of activities set up for the kids, including scavenger hunts and...uh, well, more scavenger hunts. I think there may have been board games.

The best one, however, was the karaoke. I love singing in front of people. I didn't do the best karaoke that night (their list had very few songs I recognized), but it was fun regardless. As I grew older, I discovered that these things called "karaoke bars" existed. I vowed that the day I turned 21, I would go to a karaoke bar and sing my little heart out. Forget alcohol--who needed it anyway?

Well, as it turned out, the only karaoke in town on my birthday was a pizza place. Sweet. Karaoke happened. But here's the thing: from there, I sought out all the karaoke places in my city. There is karaoke five days a week here. As you can guess, I became addicted.

Here's the problem with a karaoke addiction: it can only last so long until you crave it but can't do it. By now, everyone who goes to karaoke has seen me do the same old songs. I'm not very well-rounded in my music, so there's a limited amount of songs that I even know.

And here's one thing you don't realize until it happens:
There are a lot of songs that you can only sing while single.

Seriously. When you're single, you can sing anything. If you do Billy Joel's "Just the Way You Are", nobody will get up and shout, "Who the heck are you singing that to? You don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend!" Even if you've never been in love, people are convinced that you can summon the emotion needed to deliver a love song.

Whereas if you're in a relationship, there are all sorts of songs you can't do for karaoke. These include heartbreak songs, breakup songs, hatred songs, happy-to-be-single songs, and--here's a really awkward one--songs where you've never really thought about the lyrics, and halfway through you realize that it's a song about how you're cheating. Heck, there are even love songs that INSULT the one you love. Even if your significant other doesn't get ticked off, someone else will start making fun of your S.O. and acting like you're singing one of those to him/her.

For instance (and I will be updating this):
1) You're No Good
2) Single Ladies
3) Bye Bye Bye
4) 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover
5) All By Myself
6) Heart of Glass (although people tend to forgive you more for this one)
7) I Will Survive (I used to do this one...)
8) It's Too Late (I was all like, "Ooh, maybe I should try more Carole King! But nooo.)
9) Killing Me Softly
10) You're So Vain
11) I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues
12) Total Eclipse of the Heart
13) You Give Love a Bad Name
14) Torn
15) Build Me Up, Buttercup
16) Heartbreak Hotel
17) Hit the Road, Jack
18) Paint It Black
19) You've Lost That Loving Feeling
20) Before He Cheats
21) Tainted Love
22) Already Gone
23) Goodbye, Earl
24) Heard It Through The Grapevine
25) These Boots Are Made For Walkin'
26) Follow Me (The Uncle Kracker one--there's cheating in here!)
27) Blame It On Your Heart
28) I'm All Out of Love
29) It's My Party, And I'll Cry If I Want To
30) Take Another Little Piece Of My Heart
31) Bad Romance
32) Since You've Been Gone
33) Billie Jean
34) Mambo #5
35) Confessions, Part 2
36) Lo-lo-lo-lo-Lola!
37) Evil Ways
38) Evil Woman
39) Here's To You, Mrs. Robinson
40) Runaround Sue
41) Jessie's Girl (note: you also cannot do this one if you have a friend named Jessie.)
42) Roses (The Outkast song. Don't be fooled by the title--my fiance sang this a couple times, and I was TICKED.)
43) Wedding Bell Blues (Oh, jeez...I love this song, but...if you're married, he'll be like, "WTF? I DID marry you!" If you're engaged, he'll be like, "Jeez, be patient. The wedding's in TWO MONTHS, and the cake isn't made!" And if you're in a relationship...wow, way to make it awkward.)
44) Yesterday


Another important note: Do NOT sing any love songs that are written to people with specific names. You go back to your seat, and your S.O. asks, "So, who's ______?" This is a much bigger issue to men, or to gay women, because there really aren't many men's names in songs in comparison.
1) Sherry Baby
2) Barbara Ann
3) Help Me, Rhonda
4) Corrina, Corrina (Exceeeeeept...)
5) Brandy (You're A Fine Girl)
6) Jenny, I've Got Your Number
7) Good Golly, Miss Molly
8) Susie Q
9) Roxanne
10) Mustang Sally
11) Stacy's Mom
12) Lay Down, Sally
13) Sweet Caroline