Why? Because.

I haven't really felt like making a blog before. I've used my myspace--you know, back in high school. I've used my facebook--you know, now. Both of these, however, meant that I could only share my thoughts with those who happened to be on social networking sites.

So why now? To answer this simply, I am procrastinating.

Something people need to understand about me: I have this compulsive need to be in the superlative. I just mean that I need to be the best at everything I do, or else the worst so I can complain the best. This has been true throughout my whole life. Back in K-12, I had to be the best at math, the best at spelling. In the meantime, I also had to be the worst at sports, and I wanted to have the longest medical record of anybody. I am not making this up. If I met someone who had worse medical problems than I had (which really, mine weren't that bad--I just wanted them to be!) I would actually get jealous. Yes, I'm well aware that this is messed up.

In college, it only continued. I had to be the busiest of anybody. I packed my days with classes and activities. I started doing musical theater again, and by the time I graduated I was in two sororities. I wish I could say I had the best grades of everybody, but I cannot. When I feel like I'm not going to be the best at something, I stop trying. I ended up with under a 3.0, although not far under a 3.0. Way to make me feel average, classes.

That's exactly what's going on now. The school year is ending; I am finishing up my first year of grad school. (I'm trying to remain at least a little anonymous here, so I won't say where or what I'm doing. If you know me, please don't address me by name.) My classes are finishing up their final projects. I have made myself a name in the on-campus classes; I have participated the most, and my work has been some of the best. One of my teachers even asked if she could use my work as a sample for future students.

Unfortunately, I am feeling unmotivated on these final projects. One is completely turned in; the other two have a deadline of today. I feel that I will not do above B work on these projects. I can't stand feeling average in any way, so I cannot begin writing what I need to turn in until I'm certain I am prepared to make it perfect.

Why did I write this? As I said, I needed to procrastinate. I'm also trying to prepare my mind for writing, as I'm about to start doing quite a lot of it. But I also want people who might actually read this blog to put my future posts in this context. Once you understand the way my mind works, everything else will make more sense. The title, at the very least, will make some sense: I don't think this blog will have a theme, so I'm naming the blog after me instead of after whatever I'll be writing. It will, at least, have the common theme of constantly trying to be the best.

I'm hoping, however, that this will be the last unfunny post. From here on out, I need to be the funniest writer ever to grace the Internet!